To say that the 45th president — I won’t use his name, not out of disrespect but for fear of infringing on one of his 800-plus trademarks — is on an aggressive schedule is quite an understatement.
He plans to transform this tired, poor, huddled mass that is America into something great again, tout de suite. So confident is he that he already has a re-election slogan for 2020: Keep America Great.
It’s ambitious if a little presumptuous.
“So let me get this straight,” said Stephen Colbert, host of “The Late Show on CBS.” “Your last slogan was ‘Make America Great Again,’ and your new slogan is ‘Keep America Great’? Aren’t you skipping over a pretty important middle step there, the one where you make America great?
“It’s like if a recipe for fried chicken was: buy raw chicken, who wants seconds?”
Speaking of poultry, it was Herbert Hoover, running for the presidency in 1928, who promised a “chicken in every pot and a car in every garage.” Seven months after Hoover took office, the stock market crashed and plunged America into the Great Depression.
I know that’s not the “great” that our new president has in mind. He’s all about being “the greatest jobs president that God ever created,” cutting great deals, and generally doing a great job.
Because I love this once-great nation, I hope he lives up to those promises. But the pressure is really on him. He has to take America from less-than-great to great in about 24 months, when the next presidential cycle will be upon us and he’ll need to employ that new slogan.
The domain keepamericagreat.com is spoken for; perhaps the new president grabbed it, adding to his cache of more than 3,000 domains. (Then again, someone other than the president apparently owns makeamericagreatagain.com.) Yet if someone else beat him to it, other similar domains are available, as recommended by GoDaddy.
For instance, there are keepamericagrand.com, haveamericabig.com and keepamericaoutstanding.com. Outstanding is way better than great anyway, at least by a count of three syllables to one.
The leaders we deserve
One slogan/domain in particular intrigues me, however. It would at once recognize what is expected to be a signature achievement of the new administration, a wall that Mexico will pay for, and it would exact payback on China for manipulating currency and creating that global-warming hoax by misappropriating the Asian country’s centuries-old, 5,500-mile barrier.
I give you: keepamericagreatwall.com.
Truth be told, I think America’s already a great place and that John F. Kennedy gave the greatest inaugural address, imploring: “Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country.”
Perhaps the best thing we could do for our country right now is ratchet down the vitriol. We could focus on what unites us as Americans and treat our fellow man and woman with dignity and respect, even if we disagree from time to time. After all, we get the leaders we deserve.
I have a perfect slogan for just such a change in tenor.
I’m more than a little tempted to buy the domain for it, too: keepamericaclassy.com.